Inspired by Giant Crabs

The muse struck me the other day when my brother sent me this email:

On Tue, Apr 14, 2009 at 10:13 AM, Karson Baird wrote:

Still want to move to Australia ?!? Coconut crab !!!!!!!!!!!!! How would you like to find this on the side of our trash can!!!!!!! Our friends in Australia sent us a picture of a Coconut Crab. This is pretty interesting.... Coconut Crab (Birgus latro) is the largest terrestrial arthropod in the world. It is known for its ability to crack coconuts with its strong pincers in order to eat the contents. It is sometimes called the robber crab because some coconut crabs are rumored to steal shiny items such as pots and silverware from houses and tents. The second photo gives you a good idea of how large these crabs are - a coconut crab is seeking food from a black trash can. COCONUT CRABS The coconut crab is a large edible land crab related to the hermit crab, and are found in the tropical Indian and Pacific Oceans . They eat coconuts for a living! How would you like to be on an island and come across a crab that is more than 3 feet from head to tail and weighs up to 40 pounds, with a pair of large pincers strong enough to open coconuts! They can climb trees too, but they only eat coconuts that have already fallen to the ground. Coconut crab meat has been considered a local delicacy. This is my reply, apparently when the muse strikes me, I am always inspired to bathroom humor: From: Kade Baird Date: Tue, Apr 14, 2009 at 10:40 AM Subject: Re: FW: Coconut crab !!!!!!!!!!!!! To: Karson Baird Holy freaking crap. If I was going outside to take out the trash and saw one of these, I would fill my shorts with fear and run like hell. Then I'd get a gun, shoot it until it stopped moving, go get some gasoline, pour it over styrofoam (making homeade napalm) drizzle it over the (hopefully) dead crab, light it on fire, wait till it is completely turned to ashes, have the carbon pressed into a diamond and then pay whatever it cost to put it on a spaceship so it couldn't possibly come back and get me! But, then again, you never really know what you will do until you are in the situation, i guess. R. Kade Baird, Esq.