My Trip to Beverly Hills - The Food Portion

What if there were a fairy tale land where every stereotype about it were true? Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Beverly Hills.

You know the story, of how I got there. Let's pick up from where I didn't get to drive the doctor's Jaguar (pronounced JAG-You-Are if you're sexy) to lunch. In reality (which is not something that you find on every street corner in Beverly Hills)(ZING!), driving a Jag to lunch would have sucked, because I would have had to park it somewhere. There isn't anywhere to park that doesn't have a Jag or a Bentley or an Aston Martin (or even some crappy Mercedes) with a DB in it talking on a cell phone.

So, I have little time, less than an hour, to find lunch. I walk three blocks from the doctors house to the downtown Beverly Hills area, and look for lunch. I wanted to make sure I would get reimbursed (can't spend $50 on lunch) and was in a hurry. Logically, places with valet parking are out, places with no prices on the menu are out, and places that I am not sure if they are a perfume store or a restaurant are out. The pretty much left me with M Cafe de Chaya.

Apparently, the next big thing is macrobiotic food. I didn't realize this when I ordered. I could tell it was a "healthy place" by the menu. I ordered katsu pork, and a raspberry tart with a Diet Coke. Whoops, Diet Coke is too unhealthy for M Cafe de Chaya (what could be more healthy than a Diet Coke?).

While I waited almost 20 minutes for my food (it turned out it was on a cart with some other orders and had been ready for 10 minutes when I got it), I rich people watched (it's like people watching, but more soulless)(holy crap, do I hate rich people? Am I not really Republican after all?). It was just like I thought. Rich, surgically enhanced people. Tons of gilded soccer ball moms, trying hard to look effortlessly beautiful and stylish. Designer eyewear all over, tons of effeminate dudes. Just like in the movies.

On my way out the door, I noticed that the "M" stood for macrobiotic (which also stands for fermented soy products). It didn't sink in until I was eating my dessert. Since I waited too long for the food, it had to wait in the bag until after the deposition. The doctor let me eat on one of his desks.

It was good. It tasted fine and it was comforting to know that I was unlikely to grow a third eye from eating the food (unless it was a spiritual third eye, I really didn't do much research on Macrobiotic stuff). I didn't have time for dessert while at the doctor's house so I had to throw it away.

WRONG! I had bought ("boughten" for you Utahns out there) dessert and I was damn well going to eat it. So, in the cab, I desserted. It was good. It had a strong chocolate flavor, was rich and sweet enough. Not bad.

I guess if you were given a prescription for food that is super healthy, heavy in fermented soy, light in refined/processed ingredients, Cafe M de Chaya fits the bill, be warned, however, that its side effects are extreme exposure to absurd wealth and lifestyles.

But, that's not the end. Since I missed my flight, I wasn't going to be home for dinner. At Bob Hope's airport (I wonder how often he flew out of there), I found a restaurant that was apparently inspired by a classic John Belushi Saturday Night Live Sketch.

I will shamefully admit, right now, so don't get your hopes up, that I did not have a root beer float. Sorry.

I had a cheeseburger.
This picture was not Photoshopped. They make a weird, long, hamburger and have custom long buns. The burger is good. Good meat, american cheese, secret sauce all come together for a very reasonable burger. I have nothing else to say about that. Except that there are no plugs in which you can charge your iPhone at Bob Hope Airport (another point for John Wayne).